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. honor your hunger .

June 12, 2011

Hullo, hullo friends! 😀

Where the heck did the weekend go?! I could have sworn it was just Friday, and now it’s already Sunday night? Whaaaaat? I know they say that time flies when you’re having fun, and all, but honestly… this weekend was pretty uneventful. Aside from the thing-that-shall-not-be-named that happened on Friday night, I really didn’t do much this weekend that would explain the hyper-accelerated (geek alert!) passage of time. In fact, the most notable thing about the past few days was probably my appetite…

It was out. of. con.trol.

Now, my appetite is usually pretty wild, but with how it’s been acting lately, you’d think I haven’t eaten anything in a week or more. And just for the record, I have. Many, many things in fact…

… which I’m going to randomly insert throughout this post…

… like so…

I don’t eat overnight oats very often, but once in a blue moon, a craving will hit and I’ll whip up a batch for breakfast… and then remember why I don’t eat them very often. Not a big fan.

… so I apologize in advance if things get a bit confusing…

Anyways. Let’s talk about hunger. Who here enjoys being hungry? Anyone? I can’t honestly say that I do; in fact, I downright hate it. And that shouldn’t come as much of a surprise considering the rocky relationship that I’ve had with it in the past. I’m not going to go into too much detail about what went on between the two of us, because I’m not a kiss-and-tell kind of girl, but suffice to say that hunger was constantly trying to get my attention, and I was constantly ignoring him. Yeah, I was a bi… meanie.

 

Eating my weight in fresh strawberries and ridiculously juicy dates.

Given my history, I probably don’t need to tell you that I haven’t always been very good at honoring my hunger. Actually, let’s not sugarcoat it – I downright sucked at honoring my hunger. It got to the point where I wasn’t even able to feel hunger anymore because my body figured that I must be mentally retarded for constantly ignoring it, so it stopped wasting it’s time trying to talk to me. Ouch.

But really, it was stupid of me to ignore my hunger and force myself to endure the misery that comes with it. No energy. No motivation. No focus. No happiness. No spark. No life. And the worst part is that I did it to myself. I ignored hunger, yet hunger consumed me – I couldn’t do anything but watch the clock and fantasize about what my next meal was going to be… which isn’t a very interesting way to live.

Buckwheat noodles with an avocado/cheese/nooch sauce; broccoli; hardboiled egg; hummus

But that was what my life consisted of for a long, long time. Constant hunger, specified “meal times”, and just trying to get through every moment in between. Good times. Except, not really. But I needed to feel that control. I was afraid that if I gave in to my hunger, and ate when I wasn’t “supposed” to, that I would never stop eating. The very thought of losing control was enough to make me stick to only eating when I was “allowed” to, while forcing myself to endure the hell that came along with constantly being hungry.

Until I just couldn’t do it anymore.

 

Non-colonized strawberry Greek yogurt provided the base for many chocolate granola messes.

I don’t know exactly what happened, but I got fed up. I was tired of feeling like sh… crap all the time, and what made it even worse was that I knew I was doing it to myself. So I eased up on some of the control and began to let my body call the shots; and while I make it sound like it was no big deal, that was anything but the case. It was impossibly hard, impossibly terrifying, and worth every last struggle.

Although I did experience considerable amounts of anxiety and mental discomfort as I was learning to trust my body, because I was just waiting for it to screw me over, I also experienced considerably less fatigue, fuzziness, moodiness, unhappiness, and food obsession. I learned that I could make myself feel infinitely better by just giving my body food when it asked for it, and that was the control-breaker…

I fell in love with feeling good.

Cottage cheese with nutritional yeast.

 

Cookie dough dough, and Cookie dough balls.

These days, I like to think that I’ve gotten pretty good at honoring my hunger, which is probably why I nibble so much… I still get hit by the occasional disordered thought that tries to tell me that I can last “just a little bit longer” without eating, but I quickly change my tune as soon as I start to experience the nasty side effects of hunger; I just can’t deal with them anymore after having lived with them for so long.

Nothing is worth that kind of misery.

This is… the topic of tomorrow’s post. Care to take a guess as to what’s in the mystery bowl?

I used to be terrified of my hunger, but now I actually get uncomfortable when it’s not around. Hunger is a sign of health and life. Need proof? Let’s take a look at the kind of people who don’t experience hunger:

a) the sick
b) the extremely stressed
c) the dead
d) the smart ones who honor their hunger

Which one of those sounds the most appealing? If you picked anything but (d) then I really don’t know what to tell you… other than to encourage you to maybe reconsider your choice because you know those smart people in (d)? The ones who give their body food when it wants it? You know why that’s the most appealing option? Because it leads to:

a) satisfaction
b) energy
c) the ability to move on with life
d) all of the above

And who doesn’t want all of the above? I know I do…

. – . – . – .

How’s your relationship with your hunger? Do you always honor it? Or are you afraid of it?

If you’re afraid of it, why? Do you think your body would tell you it was hungry if it didn’t need the food? And is forcing yourself to deal with hunger really worth it?

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61 Comments leave one →
  1. 2tightlywound permalink
    June 12, 2011 6:00 pm

    I have a sick relationship with hunger. The ED part of me likes feeling hungry, because it means that I have punished myself sufficiently. And I still struggle with the feeling that my head knows better than my stomach when I need to eat. I have a big problem with trusting my body.

    Oh, and that picture of the topic of tomorrow’s post–it makes me really nervous, because I would totally knock the bowl off the edge of the table!

    • June 12, 2011 6:36 pm

      Aww hun 😦 You don’t deserve to punish yourself. You deserve to feel good, energetic, and happy. Trust your body… it has your best intentions in mind, while your ED def. does not.

  2. June 12, 2011 6:01 pm

    Preach it sista! I was literally saying “Amen!” after every sentence. Especially when you wrote “I couldn’t do anything but watch the clock and fantasize about what my next meal was going to be… which isn’t a very interesting way to live.”

    I can relate so much to this post that I could have written it my self. Scratch that, your writing style is unbelievably amazing so I couldn’t have written it…but you know what I mean I think.

    I do fear hunger, only the insanely fierce hunger. Mostly I’m worried that if I get too hungry I will loose all sense of control when I finally get my hands on food. But the healthy hunger? the one that gets fed promptly? I’m not scared of that hunger 🙂

  3. June 12, 2011 6:04 pm

    Another great post from Amanda! Love it!

    Don’t freak out but, I enjoy being hungry… but ONLY because it means I get to eat again!! Interestingly enough, my struggles with disordered eating made me, most of the time, want to be hungry, yet not want to eat very much simultaneously… make any sense? I obsessed and waited eagerly for the next time I got hungry, only to freak out and restrict.

    I like to think that now I am good at honoring my hunger– though I am still figuring out what different hungers feels like (like wanting to have a taste of something when I’m not “properly” hungry). I would like to continue my journey however and find a way not to go all gun ho and wind up with tummy aches at times. I am still figuring it all out 🙂

  4. June 12, 2011 6:06 pm

    Not as afraid of it as I used to be. Now that I’m back to dancing full-time, I know that I HAVE to honor my hunger in order to have enough energy for dance competitions, practices, etc.

  5. June 12, 2011 6:14 pm

    Losing my appetite (happened a year ago when I was sick) scares the rap outta me because it sent me down the drain completely.
    I think once you have been “there” any loss of hunger can inspire a malady of a snowball effect.
    That being said…I like it when I feel hunger. I then do something about it.
    I do not like “going hungry”

    So, um, about that bowl. I think I may see hummus and fruit. I have not ever gone there and I am very intrigued. Could it be a sweet hummus? Or perhaps a pale cashew butter? Cherries?
    I like these guessing games.

  6. June 12, 2011 6:16 pm

    I’m not afraid of hunger ANYMORE! I do HATE it though, which is why I am in the kitchen a lot.
    The only good thing about that first hit of hunger is that it shows me that my body is done with the last thing I ate and is READY FOR MORE! I know now that my body can handle all the good I put into it and it uses it and then wants more more more!

  7. June 12, 2011 6:20 pm

    I needed this post tonight. I just polished off my nightly noshing spree but my tummy is still hungry. You bet your ass snacking will ensue in your honor as soon as I publish this comment. I LOVE YOU AMANDA!!!

  8. June 12, 2011 6:22 pm

    p.s. mystery bowl looks like cottage cheese, strawberry jam, and hummus. I’m scared…

  9. June 12, 2011 6:28 pm

    I’m speechless!!!! I loved the topic of this post!!! It really shows what an awesome relationship you have not only with food but with yourself. It took me some time but now i too am able to give in to my feelings of hunger. I realized how horrible i felt when i was hungry (moody, tired, depressed) and once i saw how much better and more energetic i felt i was able to listen to my inner self!! Great post again Amanda – you truly are wonderful!!!!!
    What’s in the bowl????? My guess – yogurt topped with fresh strawberry preserves and looks like either almond butter or some sort of hummus???
    By the way – the buckwheat pasta looks delicious!!!
    :)aimee

  10. Emily permalink
    June 12, 2011 6:29 pm

    I’m…. getting there, I’d say. I don’t think I ever had a full-blown ED, but my relationship with hunger has not been the peachiest for the last half-year or so. It did get to a point where the time in between “meals” was just sitting, waiting, and fantasizing about food. And it honestly scares me to think about the fact that I lived like that, even though it was just for a few months. I’m still at that point where being hungry is sort of comforting and being full (really full, that is) is sort of alarming. But I’m getting better, I really think I am. Right now, I’m just learning how to maintain, and once I get that down, I’d like to gain a little. I think I’m ready for that.

    I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but I really want to thank you for… well, everything. Your wisdom is definitely helping me to get through all this, and I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for that. 🙂

    • June 12, 2011 7:45 pm

      Thank you, Emily, for your kind words 🙂 I’m glad to hear that you’re getting better, and I hope that I can keep encouraging you to push further, because being healthy and free is an absolutely beautiful thing.

  11. Melissa permalink
    June 12, 2011 6:50 pm

    Hunger is a complex issue for me; it always has been. Having been struggling from an eating disorder for much of my life, its difficult for me to verbally express when I am hungry. Despite feeling ravenous througout much of the day at work, I will remain silent, and simply urge others to eat when they express their hunger to me. It makes me uncomfortable and angry at my inability, or choosing to not verbalize my hunger and adequately respond to it. Most of the time, the only people I am comfortable with expressing my hunger to are my mom and sister. When I do respond to my hunger, it is with the same, trusty items (i.e. fruits and vegetables). I will attempt to stifle my hunger with massive quantities of produce, often leaving me feeling momentarily uncomfortable and then empty again, unable to satiate my appetite, given its lack of essential proteins.

    Reading this post today though, is inspiring to me. The food you consume and photograph is beautiful. It becomes more than simply food and energy, but rather it is a sight to see. You’re right when you speak of how truly awful it is to consistently yearn to eat, to quiet that hunger, that emptiness. Though, at the same time, that emptiness can be comforting. As I grow older though, it is increasingly more difficult to adhere to my disordered thoughts instructing me to restrict and obey. I find my morale and physical being is extremely sensitive to all I place (or don’t place, rather) into my body. I hope that someday soon, I can summon the courage to provide my body what it is wholeheartedly needs and deserves.

    Thank you for your encouraging, honest, and candid posts. I truly do appreciate and look forward to them.

    ❤ Melissa

  12. June 12, 2011 6:53 pm

    I once had overnight oats made with milk and yogurt, and I really didn’t like it! But then I tried the vegan version made with almond milk and chia seeds, and I’m obsessed! Have you tried it this way yet?

    Also this post describes my past relationship with hunger perfectly! It was such a sick obsession of mine – trying to push myself to see how long I could go before my next meal. But now I know that if my stomach is growling, my body NEEDS nourishment. But I rarely let myself get to the point of a growling stomach anymore – I always eat before that happens! 😛

    • June 12, 2011 7:56 pm

      I haven’t actually tried the vegan version! But I’ve been curious about it, so I’ll have to try it to see if I like it better… But no more experimenting in the morning… Maybe for dinner 😉

  13. June 12, 2011 7:01 pm

    I always get kinda scared whenever I get hungry–it tends to bring up past ED feelings. I just never want to go back to that insane hunger feeling that wakes you up at night because you’ve starved all day. It just plain sucks to experience that kind of pain! I used to despise being “full” but now, I feel hollow, sick, and wrong if my tummy’s not satisfied. Eating about every 2-3 hours tends to keep me full and I love whipping up new snacks to keep my tum tum happy. Ultimately, I like listening to myself now without having to be ruled by food thoughts–knowing the difference between full, hungry, and just right sure is comforting. 🙂

  14. June 12, 2011 7:12 pm

    I used to do the same and ingore my hunger..actually finding satisfaction in a growling stomach. I can’t see how the heck I managed that now. Today, I’m in the kitchen if there’s even a twinge of hunger! Not overeating or anything, but definitely listening to my body whether it’s yelling or whispering. 🙂

  15. June 12, 2011 7:31 pm

    Inter

    • June 12, 2011 7:34 pm

      Oops. Sorry, messed up while commenting. Interesting post.
      I don’t have hunger and haven’t had it for years and years. See, I feel all kinds of different from other people..for me its all things related to depression, anxiety, stress, etc…so I am really really unsure of cause and effect, this and that.
      i do not I’m sick of calorie-counting…but I feel at this bad place I’m in now, it might not be good to give it up.
      I don’t know…too many thoughts on it.

      With your yogurt…I always just scrape off moldy spots…too much moula to throw out the tub. I’ve seen the flavored liberte greek in honey and vanilla also. Ever try “Greek Goddess”? So thick creamy and luscious.

  16. June 12, 2011 8:03 pm

    My relationship with hunger is probably exactly same as yours. Meal times, the right amounts, the right things…all the obsessions just became too tiring at one point. Of course, although I now eat whenever I want to, there’s still a bit fear: of becoming out-of-control. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this one. Anyways, great post just as always! I’m so thankful of these kind of reminders & motivations. Love you so much for that 🙂
    p.s. you should try Liberte Goat yogurt soon – you seem to love Liberte!

  17. June 12, 2011 8:05 pm

    Hunger?… Oh, find me a more confusing thing on earth. (Not possible.) Lately I’ve been wondering if what I refer to as my annoying digestive system isn’t really just plain old hunger, and I don’t recognize it!! But even if I did, I’d probably think it’s a pain — not even for disordered reasons, but just because I get annoyed when things demand my attention RIGHT. NOW.

    That mystery bowl really DOES look like cottage cheese, jam, and hummus… :/

    ❤ ❤

  18. June 12, 2011 8:09 pm

    Oh girl, I love this post (per the usual) Hunger and I do not co-exist. If I’m hungry, I fix that situation as soon as possible. When I’m hungry I’m not as smart, nice or strong. It’s too tiring to be hungry – if that makes any sense.

  19. June 12, 2011 8:22 pm

    I reeeeally don’t like feeling hungry. Sometimes to a fault though, to the point where I eat when not hungry just to make sure I won’t accidentally end up in a situation where I’m hungry and can’t fix it. Those situations become dangerous… no one wants to be around me when that happens! But I guess I do like getting hungry to an extent… aka having an appetite? Food always tastes better when you’re a little hungry for it. Right now I’m kicking around the house too much and snacking too much to the point where I’m never really hungry enough for a real meal. Food becomes a lot less exciting that way. I guess me and hunger are still kind of on the “it’s complicated” train. But from a different vantage point. I never ignore my hunger so long as I can help it. I definitely used to to some extent but that feeling is just awful. I think you have a pretty bang on thing happening with you and your hungership. It’s awesome.

  20. June 12, 2011 8:37 pm

    Great post. To be completely honest, I hate hunger right now. We’re not getting along. It annoys me when I’m hungry and I have to eat, and no one else around me is eating… Or when I am not hungry and everyone is having delicious meals and I eat just to feel the pleasure they’re feeling. And I always get like “God, I am hungry again? What do I do to shut you up once and for all?” Pretty messed up, I know. But it’s been worse, I am on this path of trying to trust my body, not violenting it by starving or overating… a path I only discovered and feel motivated to follow thanks to bloggers like you. 🙂

    • June 12, 2011 9:31 pm

      Oh girl believe me, I go through the “I can’t believe I’m hungry again” thing all the time. So don’t worry… you’re definitely not alone on that one.

  21. June 12, 2011 8:48 pm

    NOW, I eat when I’m hungry because when I get hungry I get weak, light headed, dizzy, moody, cranky and I will bite your head off. And if you get in the way of me and my food? Well, we won’t even go there. It’s best for all of those around me that I just eat 🙂

  22. June 12, 2011 8:55 pm

    Yes, stawberries are the best right now! My mom keeps buying a carton for herself, and I always end up eating them all before she gets a chance, Haha! My excuse is that if you don’t eat them fast they’ll grow mold! 😉

  23. squigglefloey permalink
    June 12, 2011 8:58 pm

    Completely love this post. Hunger is something I constantly struggle with.
    I hate it, yet I enjoy the feeling at the same time.
    So me and hunger are completely on different pages.
    I think that’s why it’s sometimes easy to have a meal plan — or to know what you need, rather than having to rely on your body for cues. At least, until we’re connected in body and mind enough to do so 🙂

  24. June 12, 2011 9:39 pm

    I actually really like being hungry but ONLY when the food that I am hungry FOR is in very close proximity. I also like feeling hungry when I know what I’m craving. The WORST thing is being hungry and not having food on you or not know what you are hungry for. I hate it, hate it, HATE IT!

    Sometimes I struggle to recognise hunger because it comes in so many different forms. I may not feel it in my stomach but when I become a snappy biatch all of a sudden, that’s a sure sign that I’m hungry. Hungry Katy=bitchy Katy. We don’t like bitchy Katy, no no.

    xxx

  25. June 12, 2011 9:59 pm

    Oh Amanda, I truly love all these wonderful posts you put out. It’s so nice to hear that you honor your hunger without guilt. That’s how life should be 🙂 I have this issue where I get SUPER cranky when I’m hungry. Like “don’t even speak to me until you feed me” hunger so I ALWAYS eat as soon as I’m hungry. My dad and my sister are the same way. It doesn’t matter if we’re about to leave for dinner or if I’m in the process of making a meal, when hunger comes I take care of it ASAP.

    P.S. Definitely try the vegan overnight oats. So much better than regular!!

  26. June 12, 2011 10:20 pm

    WOW!! Girl, I absolutely love your blog. Thank you for being so open and honest. I can totally relate with your past and even though it took a lot of work I am SO thankful to now listen to my bodies cues to EAT!! LOVE this and can you please cook for me:)

  27. June 13, 2011 12:39 am

    Dear, I am sorry your date didn’t turn out to be a perfect match for you! But hey, on the bright side – there are still so many people out there whom haven’t crossed your path yet, and I am convinced that one beautiful day you will find someone who gives you that special feeling 🙂

    On to this post – it is amazing. Thank you for your honesty, for sharing your past struggles so we see that it is possible to change our relationship with the feeling of hunger. Deep down in anorexia hunger was like a gold medal, it meant that I had managed to walk through the day without eating very much. To look back is painful, but it is also a beautiful and strong reminder that things can change. I didn’t believe that when I first started recovery ( who does? ), but gradually as we start to eat more and face the mental battles that must be fought we realize that to feel hungry is normal, and it is to be honoured. Not supressed. We are meant to feel hungry from time to time, and we are meant to act on that feeling by eating.
    Today I do my very best to trust my precious body, it has not lied to me before, so why now? My body and it’s needs is not the problem, the problem is in my mind who has a bad reputation for not respecting the signals from my body.
    Recovery has taught me that to eat when we’re hungry benefits our lives in a million ways – hey, it is our key to survival and to be able to live as the one who want to be.

    Love you my inspirational friend.

  28. June 13, 2011 1:38 am

    I don’t like hunger. I just hate the feeling of it! Which is why I eat the moment I feel the slightest pang of hunger. Mmm strawberries and dates… 🙂

    Actually although I don’t like the feeling of it, I actually think hunger is GREAT!! It never ceases to amaze me how it tells us exactly what we need if we listen! Like I’ve been sick the last few days and haven’t managed to eat a lot, but the minute I felt better yesterday my appetite was like triple what it is normally, and that’s saying something haha! 😛 So I LOVE how it balances everything out if you listen to it 🙂

  29. Teniesha permalink
    June 13, 2011 2:27 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! In my past rocky relationship with food, I experienced all of the same things. I always assumed my hunger was just appetite, which was totally wrong! In fact, I now believe that, unless I’m craving chocolate around my period, I don’t have “appetite.” And seriously, why should I deny myself an extra piece or two of dark chocolate? 😉

  30. Lenna (veganlenna) permalink
    June 13, 2011 4:01 am

    I used to have a very bad relationship with hunger. I felt hungry but I always thought that I could wait longer and longer and it would go away… But it didn´t , of course! Now I have much more healthier relationship with it. I try to eat every 3 hours or something like that to keep the hunger away. Of course I feel hungry from time to time, but I don´t let me suffer with it anymore – when I start to feel hungry, I go and grab myself a proper meal or at least a small snack to tame the hungry beast away.
    Thanks for your post, it is awesome as always 🙂

  31. June 13, 2011 4:25 am

    I seriously love you for everything you post about, Amanda. I can just really relate to it all and you are a great inspiration (not in a pervy way don’t worry :P) to me. I honestly can’t wait to be in the same position as you when it comes to food/exercise and just balance in life. I’m getting there slowly but as you know, it’s no easy, quick process!
    As for hunger, like you I was in a position one time when I never felt hungry because I was so mean to my body, denying it food when it wanted it, that it just gave up telling me I was hungry because it obviously wasn’t going to get any food. Now I’m sort of in a position where I get hungry at the same times for meals and snacks and if I don’t have them, I get really cranky and moody because my body wants them there and then. I would prefer not to have these set times and hopefully sometime soon it will make it’s own sort of ‘timetable’ for when it wants food – not just because I’ve trained it to get hungry then! Sometimes it’s really annoying though because if I’m out and about, my body gets hungry and then by the time I get home to get some food – my hunger has gone…it’s the same when I’m exercising too. I always get hungry in the gym, then when I get home, it’s gone – it’s so weird! I’m actually quite scared of being hungry before I go to bed. That’s why I make my biggest snack before I go to bed because it really scares me to wake up hungry as it brings back memories.
    Thankyou so much, again, for this amazing post. ❤

  32. June 13, 2011 5:27 am

    strawberry jam, cottage cheese and hommus!
    first things that popped in my mind at the sight of that photo, cant wait to see the next post to see if im right!

  33. June 13, 2011 5:41 am

    As always, I loved this post! This is something I struggle with big time! Im afraid of hunger, I often stay in bed or in the shower beacuase I dont kow¨if I should eat. Its so hard, son comfusing and never ends pretty. Like last night I ended up binging, which of course makes me feel terrible. I wish I could just let go of my rules, and just trust my body! I want to so much, but something is stopping me..I hope it wont take too long, cause Im so tired all the time, and cranky and sad..
    Thank you for sharing your wise thoughts Amanda! You are amazing!! ❤

  34. Tina @ vanillandspice permalink
    June 13, 2011 6:09 am

    This post reminded me so much of myself. Food became an obsession for me, and I would only eat every three hours because that’s what I was told to do. Everyone’s different, and my body can’t wait three hours to eat again. I would actually sit and watch the clock waiting for three hours to go by.
    It caused so much anxiety and stress in my life that I wouldn’t even enjoy eating anymore, I would get depressed that after my meal was done, I would have to wait another three hours to eat again.
    I think the best thing to do is listen to your body and give it what it needs.

  35. June 13, 2011 6:25 am

    I don’t think I can trust the “feed me” signals completely because sometimes I get them when there is absolutely no way I am hungry. The problem is how to distinguish between real hunger and the desire of emotional eating. Another problem is that I recently increased my activity rapidly and still don’t feel comfortable with the increase in my appetite. If we don’t count this, my relationship with food is much better than it used to be and when I am hungry, I eat regardless of time.

    I would say that the bowl is full of yogurt, jam and almond butter but it just sounds too normal for a whole post dedicated to it and the consistency of the glop on the top doesn’t look exactly like nut butter… It really looks like hummus 🙂 .

  36. June 13, 2011 6:56 am

    I’m glad you honor it =) cause darling you know I do too! Though I didn’t always! I went through both sickness and heartbroken-ness back in college to the point where I literally never felt hunger. I was like a zombie. Thank goodness I managed to pull myself out of it with some help from friends. phew! ❤

  37. June 13, 2011 7:26 am

    Great post girl, and I feel you on the past of trying to ignore the hunger call. SOmetimes I still try and push it away, when I know that no one else around me is hungry and I just ate 3 hours ago. People always seem to say things like “your eating again?!” and I try t0 explain that I am listening to my body and its asking for food, but they dont seem to get it! My father in law made that comment before and I almost punched him. I brought breakfast to work and ate it at 8 and then at 1030 I took out my apple as a snack. He stared at me and was like “didnt you just eat? Better watch out with all those calories!” I was so close to throwing my apple at his head. Its because of comments like that that girls like us starve ourselves. UGGGG so frustrating!!

    • June 13, 2011 9:28 am

      I get comments like that sometimes too. My favorite reply? A big old smile and “Yeah, you jealous?” 😀

      • June 13, 2011 11:47 am

        I can relate to those comments 100%. I think the ones who say things like that are the ones who suffer from insecurities. Who cares if I’m hungry? Let me eat and mind ya buisiness!

        It takes time to learn to listen to your body and recognize what it is that it wants. I remember being proud of myself when I would successfully skip a meal or get by with minimal amounts of food that day. I get sad thinking about it. It’s still a struggle but I able to take control now. I’m not happy when Im starving…no fun to be around either.

  38. Laura permalink
    June 13, 2011 7:46 am

    Amanada,
    I used to hate the feeling of hunger as well, and I also lost the sensation of hunger during my eating disorder. However, now that I’ve been recovering for about 7 months, eating consistently sufficient amounts and having regained a significant portion of my bodyweight, I am still awaiting the return of hunger. Occasionally, I do get a faint pang of hunger, and honestly? I LOVE it, and now I always make sure that I immediately eat when I do feel it (though I also unfortunately have to eat when I don’t feel hungry). Hunger makes me feel like I really do need food, that my body is actually alive, that my metabolism might (finally) be speeding up. I don’t mean to complain because I do understand that hunger is uncomfortable, but I think that people who do experience it don’t sometimes take the time to realize how lucky you are to have that feeling so that you know when and how much to eat. I’m really happy for you, though, that you are learning to honor the feeling of hunger.

  39. June 13, 2011 9:46 am

    right now- its good! in the past- it was bad…. i think the biggest struggle i used to have was well my stomach isnt grumbling so im not hungey even when I was really craving something or food was on my mind… which clearly meant i needed/wanted something!!! now even if its 11pm… and im craving some nuts.. ill grab a handful becuz i know that if i dnt honor that craving… its mor likely ill abuse it and binge or something, which i did too much of in my past!

  40. June 13, 2011 10:50 am

    Hunger stinks. I give myself meal times, but I’m flexible. Luckily, my belly generally respects the feeding schedule.

  41. June 13, 2011 10:51 am

    I really needed to read this, why am i still not honoring my hunger? It is such a false sense of control with all the rigidness of mealtimes,amounts,restriction. I want life! It’s great to see you’ve got there, im working my way there too.Food is good, not scary or something to fear.

  42. June 13, 2011 10:52 am

    I used to ignore my hunger as much as could. I always thought “why am I still hungry? I already had X calories. I shouldn’t be hungry for another hour” or whatever..
    I remember when the feeling of hunger went away. It took SO long for it to come back.
    I still don’t like feeling hungry just because I’m an angry monster when I am but I’m thankful that I actually have the feeling back instead of having to rely on a schedule ya know?

  43. June 13, 2011 11:02 am

    I’ve definitely gotten a LOT better with honoring my hunger. I’ve had a rocky relationship with food overall but I’ve come to a point where I can just eat when I’m hungry and be happy with myself. I can’t believe you’re not a fan of overnight oats!! I love em 🙂

  44. June 13, 2011 12:36 pm

    I’m not afraid of hunger… I’ve never had that symptom of the ED, I guess. Being hungry actually makes me geniunely happy! Just in the past two days have I started to have moments when I actually feel hungry; I haven’t felt hunger in probably over a year because, like you said, I guess my body decided it wasn’t worth trying to talk to me anymore. Now that I’m trying to eat more, its starting to ask for food again! I’m actually getting hungry on almost double the amount of food I was eating, when before I would not ever feel hungry at all. The human body is crazy and amazing.

  45. June 13, 2011 1:31 pm

    This is an awesome post (again…you keep pumpin’ them out!). I’ve had a rocky relationship with hunger too – I used to always ignore my hunger, no matter how starving I was, and I was miserable!
    Now, I worry about feeling hungry, I guess cos I don’t quite trust myself 100% – but then that means I eat when I’m not hungry and hardly ever get to experience hunger. When I DO feel a bit hungry, it’s such a lovely feeling! Not in an ED-way, but in a it’s-nice-to-feel-peckish-before-a-meal-way, you know?
    I could never, ever starve myself again because it’s horrific. But I do feel my hunger cues are a bit out of whack sometimes, which is frustrating. Sometimes I’ll go days without ever feeling hungry, which is SO weird. Hurrumph.

  46. June 14, 2011 6:16 pm

    mmm such a good post! my mom always says that hunger is a sign of HEALTHINESS! -youre right, its really worrisome if you’ve lost your hunger signals

  47. June 24, 2011 8:26 am

    Haha, I totally relate with you on eating your weight in strawberries!! They are just so good! 😀

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  1. My Intuitive Eating Series- Make Peace With Food | Amazing Asset
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